Competitive football. After a long summer, Saturdays now have a purpose. Pre-season saw two easy victories (including a 4-0 victory over an allegedly higher Comics team who called it quits after 80 minutes) and one heavy defeat. The Thirds were raring to go and out to prove a point. Straight from the off we unleashed vengeance to the god fearers.  Actually it was pretty insulting to them that the first two goals were a scuff shot from Sam – though all about right place, right time – and a noodle slice from John, who looked slightly embarrassed to celebrate.  Hopefully the third goal would be slightly more befitting for the comics. Nah, Goddard scored it.  New summer signing Gaz ‘Pirate’ Carter proved that the three goats and one sheep paid for his services was good business. Two shimmies and a curled shot later and it was looking like we did well to get change (four goats, two sheep) from the transaction. 

 

The second half saw Goddard pinpoint a bullet header into the net while John played out Pro-Evo on the hallowed Berrylands turf. First, he skinned half the team before casually slotting home. Then he passed the ball into the net when their keeper decided to chase moonbeams on the edge of his box.  Tim staked his claim for goal of the season by slicing a Le Tissier-esque curler from 30 yards. It sailed into the top corner with unintentional precision. Awesome.  Joe stepped up to the plate moments later with a drop of the shoulder, a twist, a turn and rocket shot that rippled the back of the net from 12 yards.  Regardless of it being a penalty and no defenders near him, it looked good.  It was left to John to turn on a sixpence and rattle home his fourth and our tenth. Brilliant start to the season and even though the team dispersed that evening, we all heard Tim’s shouts from Old Street of “My goal, my goal, Le Tissier” and Joe’s wails of “Twist, turn, bosch” from Marcia. 

Thortonians started the match as they meant to go on (and good God did they go on…) with constant tripping and late tackles, culminating in a horrific challenge from behind on John Mills, leaving him sidelined and crippled. However, the Comics refused to stoop to their level and played some wonderful passing football which led to the first goal from Rich Wood – slotting home from a tight angle after a parried shot from their keeper. The oppo equalised, but before he was horrifically scythed down, John scored the second from a shot/cross which has become his speciality. Rich Wood then added a second after Pirate was hacked down 40 yards out, getting his free-kick to bounce just before the flummoxed keeper and into the net.

At half-time, the Comics were riled up. Goddard showed that he could play the opposition at their own game, and tried to take down their striker but ended up injuring himself. Thortonians then got a second, but still the Comics retained control, with Rikos winning everything in the air, and Mungo stretching their defence with some great link play with Gaz and Rich. Sure enough, the goal came, courtesy of a scuffed shot from Al Lee after some clever twisting and turning in the box. Samadeus then went in late on the left back, and despite looking as guilty as Chris Langham in a kid’s playground, the opposition ended up getting a yellow card for a remarkably over-the-top response, which included the very 1950s-style threat “I’m gonna knock your block off” and proceeding to put handprints all over Sam’s back as he walked away grinning like an idiot. Gibbsy moved quicker than Tyson Gay to further intensify the situation, and the opposition avoided attacking down the right side for the remainder of the match. Late on Abudy got to make a contribution to the match, with an absolutely fantastic leaping save to push the ball over the bar from a dipping free-kick.
The final whistle went: 4-2 to the Comics, with football the real winner.

The Thirds fell at the final hurdle in an LOB cup for a second year running, but there was no shame in this defeat against a Meadonians side from five leagues above. Yes, the Comics had dished out plenty of giant-killings already in the cup run, but this was a big, fit, strong and skilful side, and to keep it so close was a credit to the boys. In horrendous conditions, the Thirds faced a strong wind in the first half and could barely get into the Meads' half. The favourites, roared on by a huge crowd, peppered the Comics box with crosses and pressure, but the back-four stood firm (while Gibbsy could stand - which was about 10 minutes before his ankle doubled in size). Whenever the outstanding defence was breached, Abudy stood firm with excellent handling in the wet conditions. 0-0 at half-time and the Comics entertained thoughts of victory with the wind at their backs. The second half was even at worst - we probably had the better chances, and Meads could have had no complaints on the second half showing if they'd gone down. But it was them that stole it at the death with a decent strike from outside the box that gave Abudy no chance. Some sporting applause and prize-giving was followed by a whole chicken and then beers in the George and After-Skool - the only game in town. Coops drank, and smoked, Pirate declared his love for rugby, and Goddard proposed to Lindsay. Quite whether she would want to spend the rest of her life with a man who brings a man with a torn hamstring and another who's run 14 miles that morning is anyone's guess. But we can't blame Goddard for the loss. No, it was Rich Wood's fault.

The Thirds put aside their cup disappointment and returned to winning ways in the league with a comfortable victory over Old Tiffs. It was a wretched pitch and poor conditions, but the Comics played some lovely football and never looked in danger against a spirited opponent. The opener was controversial, as Joe looked offside from a cross, which came back in only for a hapless Tiffs' defender to turn into his own net. The second was a tasty team goal, as a flowing move culminated in Joe volleying home John's pinpoint cross. Coops added a third with a tap-in from Rich's cross, before an ankle injury to Joe disrupted the team's flow a little. The second half was a stop-start affair, and the Comics huffed and puffed for a long time without making further inroads, until Tim finally added a fourth with a sweet strike from outside the box. Special guest star Matt Scott completed the scoring with a close-range header, the only surprise being that it didn't bounce off his shin, like every other ball that cannoned off the man with the touch of a rapist.

The Thirds put down the table-topping Thorntonians to put them in the box seat for the title on a day of four seasons at Berrylands. The oppo are no doubt a good side, and stunned the Comics with an early strike; Sam was confused by Al Lee's new-look - gone were the acne and cricket stumps, but he had acquired a woman's haircut - and the mix-up allowed the Thorns striker to smartly lob Abudy. However, it wasn't long before the strikeforce was creating openings left, right and centre. Despite Joe's plastic surgery making him look like Colin Jackson, and John's bad sunburn, they bewildered the Thorns defence with